Monday, February 8, 2010


Over the last week I've been stalking a blog.  Diligently.
It came to light through the wonders of facebook.  Apparently I have friends whom are friends with this wonderful lady.  Her name is Sara.  And these friends of mine were asking for prayers in Sara's behalf.  She has a child (a son not much younger than my Momo) in the PICU at Primary Childrens Hospital. Her blog has brought me to tears.  It also has opened a few old wounds of my own.  My soul aches for her.  You can read about her story here. 
She is an beautiful writer.  She is an excellent mother.  She is a great example of faith.  And although it is heart wrenching to read.  It is so so so inspiring.

On friday she posted the need for prayers.  Her little boy over the last couple days had been doing well, he was steadily improving.  However Friday he had taken a sudden unexplainable turn for the worst.  It hit a nerve.  The scars on my heart burned.  I had been there.  I had once solicited prayers.  Prayers from family, friends... anyone, I wasn't picky.  I needed prayers for me.  My sweet angel couldn't be repaired.  Through personal revelation, God's message was unmistakeable, she was not meant to stay.  She was required in the heavens.  I never asked her to be healed.  In doing so I would be denying the unique communication with the heavens that I was permitted to receive.  But I was broken.  My heart was aching.  I needed strength.  My role in this wasn't yet complete. 
But this boy...   this wonderful child, has... HOPE!  
I found myself on my knees.  
with the Lord.

That night, before bed, I checked my google reader one last time.  Hoping for an update.  There wasn't one.
Then came a sleepless night.
I tossed and turned.  So many emotions that had laid dorment within me were unexpectedly awakened.  
Finally, abandoning my wish for sleep I got up.  It was after 3:30 a.m. I went out into the living room, as not to disturb J, and checked again for any news.  She had posted.  There was no good news.  However she expressed sooooo much faith.  I was in awe.  I returned to my knees.  I prayed again.  Then knowing sleep was near impossible, I began piddling on the internet to occupy my mind. Then Momo whimpered.  It wasn't a cry of distress.  I think he was more or less sniveling in his sleep.  It was enough for me.  I retrieved Momo from his bed and returned with him to mine.  He layed his head on my chest.  Over my blemished heart.  And I finally fell asleep.
I find myself asking for prayers again.  This time for someone I don't even know. 

Please pray for Bronson Staker.

HE healed my shattered heart.
HE CAN heal this broken boy.


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